For lack of wood the fire goes out, and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases. —Proverbs 26:20
Chapter 26 of Proverbs is packed with over 16 similes and metaphors pulled from everyday life to remind us of the harm caused by fools and those who rely on them. Why such vivid pictures? Because we are prone to folly, and tend to overlook it until it’s too late. In our verse, Solomon compares our words to wood that fuels a fire, a fitting likeness when you think about the damage certain conversations can cause.
Once I was sitting in a local coffee shop when I overheard two women talking. They were animated and one sounded agitated. At first I was surprised they weren’t more discreet, more inclined to whisper. It was evident by their tone that the subject was a difficult and personal one. After a few minutes I couldn’t help making out their actual words. Partly it was their volume—they weren’t whispering. But then I realized the other reason their words reached my ears over the din around us: I knew the people they were talking about.
At first, I felt self-righteous indignation. How could they be so brazen? I should say something to them. But as I tried to figure out what I would say, I also started to think about how many times I’ve sat in their place: the public place, the illusion of privacy; the tendency to blab on about something upsetting that happened; the ease with which an update turns into complaining, murmuring, and gossip.
In that moment the Lord reminded me of Ecclesiastes 7:21, “Do not take to heart all the things that people say, lest you hear your servant cursing you.” Thankfully, my conscience kept me quiet. I suspect that if I had spoken up, my words would have acted like wood, adding fuel to the fire. Instead of saying something, I knew I needed to pray for the two women talking, and for God's help not to be a "whisperer" myself.
Who among us hasn’t been in conversations when someone says something unkind or uncharitable? Who among us hasn’t been the one doing the talking? When it comes to the sort of whispering our verse is warning us to avoid, it’s not primarily about the volume of the words spoken. It's the content of what’s being said. When you lower your voice in conversation so that no one else will overhear, what are you hoping to keep quiet? And when a friend lowers her voice to say something to you, do you join her in blaze-causing folly?
This fire metaphor isn’t limited to Proverbs. James takes it even further writing,
So also the tongue is a small member, yet it boasts of great things. How great a forest is set ablaze by such a small fire! And the tongue is a fire, a world of unrighteousness. The tongue is set among our members, staining the whole body, setting on fire the entire course of life, and set on fire by hell. (James 3:5-6)
Why is the tongue so dangerous? Because the words it speaks can be “like delicious morsels going down into the inner parts of the body” (Proverbs 26:22). Such words are not easily forgotten; rarely are words “in one ear and out the other.” They stick and they fuel suspicion, doubt, envy, anger, and all manner of thoughts that lead to strife and quarreling. These “delicious morsels” harm the person about whom they’re spoken, as well as the person they’re spoken to. They may taste good going down, but they're bitter once swallowed. The fact that they’re “delicious” only makes them harder to resist. But resist we must.
Elsewhere Solomon says, “whoever keeps his mouth and his tongue keeps himself out of trouble” (Proverbs 21:23). May we pursue such freedom. Whether listening or talking, may we all, by God’s grace, be firefighters.
For Reflection
Are you more tempted to listen to whispering (gossip and murmuring) or to be the one doing the talking? Ask the Lord to help you speak words that are loyal to your friends, words that build up and fit each occasion (Ephesians 4:29).
What might you do the next time someone else starts whispering to you about someone? How might you prepare in advance to turn the conversation in an edifying, God-ward direction?
How would it change your relationships to overlook the next time you hear a word whispered about you?
Candice Watters is a wife, mom, and editor of Fighter Verses. She co-authored Start Your Family: Inspiration for Having Babies with her husband, Steve. She loves teaching 5th graders in Sunday school as they learn together about the providence of God.